Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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