I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
