i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
