I am spending my child support on dildos
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
