Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
