I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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