I hate your face
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
