i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
