using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
