whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
