you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
