Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
