I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
