at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
