The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
