I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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