**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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