can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
