How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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