Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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