hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
