i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
