Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
