Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
