That's when you crack a 10am beer
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
