Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
