I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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