Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
