Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
