how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
