oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
