All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
