o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
