he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
