Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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