you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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