we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
