I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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