i think my tv is drunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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