my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize