Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
