Tell her she can't have a vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
