Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
