i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
