i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
