so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
