she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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