I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
