i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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