Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
