Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
