farters have to be the big spoon...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want nice things and good sex
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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