Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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